A weight has been lifted!

I had my annual brain MRI this week (results are pending).  As I was laying there, I thought back to my first MRI experience and how much has changed since then.  There have been so many learning experiences along the way, some more painful than others.  We have bumbled along, backtracked, crashed, and beat our heads against the wall countless times.  There's no road map for this and even if there was, I'm positive we'd have thrown that away and blazed our own trail.  So, here are a few nuggets I've picked up in the last 18 months: 

• Doctors are human and will be wrong now and then.
• Never, ever, ever, EVER go to a specialist alone, even if you think it's just a routine visit.  Just don't!
• Laughter really is the best medicine, just not while you're trying to hold your tinkle.
• Not everyone in the health care system actually cares.
• Sometimes you have to throw a fit to get people to listen.  Make sure you mean what you say.  And be prepared to apologize.
• If you're a patient in the hospital, accept the fact that you WILL be embarrassed.  They know it, so just embrace it and move on.
• Doctors don't always have all the answers.  "We don't know" will just have to suffice.
• Don't ask "what's that smell?" in a hospital.
• It really and truly can get worse.  I promise.  It can also get better.
• It's OK to tell a doctor no.
• If you and your doctor can't effectively communicate, find a new one.  He/she is the one with the knowledge and should be willing to listen to your questions and answer them without putting you off.  Remember, YOU (and your insurance) are paying him/her. 
• You can be hopeful and realistic at the same time.
• It's OK to feel sorry for yourself now and then.  It's not weak.  It's human nature.  Grieving for oneself should be expected.  Just make sure you pick yourself up and move along.
• Take care of yourself as well as you'd take care of your children.  They need you!  You're capable of more than you think!  Don't underestimate yourself.  Ever. 

We're in the middle of a big change right now.  Let me preface this by letting you know I am a fairly predictable person.  I don't like surprises.  I like order.  I like things planned out to the nth degree.  I am very cautious and make very well thought out, calculated decisions with backup plans and every imaginable scenario covered.  I do NOT fly by the seat of my pants.  But, after seven years at my job, due to a long string of ugly events, Cory and I agreed it's time for me to move on.  So, I quit my job this week.  I don't have anything else lined up either.  EEK!  This is just what needed to happen though.  We have some rough backup plans, but nothing definite.  And I'm OK with that.  I am very much at peace right now.  In the weeks leading up to this decision, I'd been extremely stressed.  I've fully expected some sort of flare up to come join in the fracas.  There was one incident about two weeks ago, but we're not sure if it's the MS, an anxiety attack, or being sick (allergies + congestion).  I had this horrible sensation in my chest and diaphragm area.  It was like I had a string around my insides and someone was cinching it.  It was excruciating.  It scared the dickens out of us.  I went on to work and eventually the pain subsided.  I'd really like not to experience that again.  I also had a migraine yesterday.  I knew that was going to happen.  I talked to my doctor about them a while back and expressed my aggravation that my migraines always happen on the weekends so I wondered if there was something in my home that was causing them.  He explained that it sounded like they're brought on by stress, so once the stressful situation is out of the way, the body lets it's defenses down and whammo!  Migraine City!  Lovely.  He also gave me a prescription for what I call my "chill pills" to kick the migraine's butt.  Use to, I'd suffer through them with a cool washcloth over my eyes for the entire day.  Now, I take the chill pill when I feel it coming and it knocks me out for a few hours and I wake up feeling human.  I'm not a huge fan of taking medications but if you've ever had a migraine, you understand it is absolute misery.  I've tried everything imaginable.  I am soooo incredibly glad my doctor gave me that.  I'm hopeful that's the worst of what's going to happen.  The stress has been lifted and I feel completely revived and like a new person.  I feel like I was living in darkness for a long time and didn't even realize it, and now I'm back out in the warm sunshine.  I'm excited!  It feels good!